The Kings of Budget Rock are coming to town. Brooklyn town. Dress rehearsal "early show" sold out. Tickets for the VIP experience now on sale:
Melbourne, Sydney, Adelaide, Auckland, Wellington, Pitcairn!
Be there, or don't.
Maybe she's at the Elbo Room with other old people, watching The Mummies.
Bruno's finest get all Hee Haw up in that shit. Hotel Vegas, Austin
Frisco's favorite ethnic band get urban in Beautiful Downtown Burbank's Pickwick Gardens
The Kings of Budget Rock™ show off their sixpacks to the city of Portland.
The Kings of Budget Rock™ celebrate the right to bear arms at Oakland's Mosswood Park, across the street from Kaiser (you know, just in case).
The Kings of Budget Rock™ hit Oslo for the 2011 Gutterball, cuz that's how they roll.
The Mummies get intimate with The Hondettes—and everyone else, in the world's smallest nite club. Wear white shoes for a special surprise treat. Things will get out of hand...
Wax on, wax off. The Kings of Budget Rock™ head south of the equator to take care of that winter bush--oh, and play a couple shows while they're at it: 18/11 (that's crazy-style for November 18th) at the Clash Club in São Paulo and 20/11 in Goiânia at the 16th Goiânia Noise Festival.
¡Cabron! The first new Pre-B.S. record since 1992! That's right: hot on the heels of Supercharger's Icepick single comes the deadest sounds from 30 Westline since El Niño got all up in our shit.
This new Mummies record will be sold only at the show. Which show...?
This one fool:
This summer marks the return of the Kings of Budget Rock™ to the Pacific Northwest, after a 20-year long restraining order. "Portland may be stupid enough to give us a second chance, but we know enough to leave the engine running."
Advance tickets were available here. Get 'em before they're gone and you find yourself trolling the casual encounters section on Craigslits for some at twice the price (plus a case of genital herpes), or don't, and go do something else.
Yabai, cretins! The original cheapskates of the music & entertainment world spend a weekend eating squid balls and playing the two-night, 20th anniversary celebration of the "Back From The Grave" festival, with apparently every band in Japan.
That's right, the guys who appropriated the Budget Rock™ name for their own festival finally get the originators of the 'sounds of fiscal responsibility' to show the kids how to rock--at cut rate prices. As much as the losers in Frisco aren't worth it, The Mummies are insisting on $5 tickets. To top it off, the boys are playing dubble-trubble on the same night! That's right: show #1 at the Bottom of the Hill, then it's run down the street to play show #2 at Thee Parkside! Never been done before (at least not by The Mummies).
This was a test. This band has conducted a test of the Emergency Budget Rock System™. This was only a test. The Mummies in voluntary cooperation with federal, state and local authorities have developed this system to keep you informed in the event of a Budget Rock™ Emergency. Had this been an actual emergency, the shows played last week would have been followed by some kind of additional horseshit. This concludes our test of the Emergency Budget Rock System™.
Billed as a "rock n roll adventure holiday" and purportedly taking place "on the coast somewhere in the woods," the Mummies will be playing--and possibly running for their lives like some kind of Eye-talian Blair Witch Project. *Eight (8) nights of 25+ bands, with the Kings of Budget Rock™ appearing at some point (no, we're not playing 8 nights in a row). More music than you will ever need to hear for the rest of your life. For more info, visit the PRICKLYpeaBOWLS site.
Apparently Fifty Million Frenchmen Can Be Wrong. The boys play the Born Bad Festival, celebrating 10 years of Born Bad Records at Le Trabendo. Heads will roll.
There goes the neighborhood. Budget Rock's™ best ethnic band pulls squatter's rights in Park Slope @ Southpaw.
Remember that show in Spain last year? That one and only show we were gonna do? Yeah, well we lied. And if you don't like it, put yer ear buds back in and go listen to yer Bob Fuckin' Dylan again.
Back by popular demand, the Kings of Budget Rock will be pulling dubbble-trubble on June 9th 2009, at the scene of the last U.S. Mummies show (back in '91). That's right, count 'em: TWO sets. Those slave drivers at Maxwell's really know how to extract that pound of flesh. And all on account of a silly little misunderstanding about a bar tab. Fer Chrisssakes! That was 18 years ago, guys! Cut us a little slack!!
That's right, after 15 years of incessant nagging by every Tom, Dick and Larry, someone finally convinced the boys to travel forward in time to 2008 to play a show. Needless to say, the boys were appalled at the state of the future we all live in. Where are the flying fucking cars like in Blade Runner?! What the hell kind of future is this shit anyway? What, the best you can do is eBay? What happened to all the cheap equipment? Where did Thrift Center in Hayward go?! Where's Savers next to Thrift City in Redwood City?! Oh shit... where the fuck is Thrift City???
So this is what happens when we call it quits. We give you all the keys to the fucking kingdom, and you fuck it all up. This is worse than Chuck riding up to the statue of liberty at the end of the Planet of the Apes. What did you assholes do to the future? God Damn it!!
This is why we have to come back to the future. And after we play this show, we're going to crawl back into our tiny little time machine, go back to safe-and-sane 19-fucking-89 and buy up all the Farfisas, Silvertone 1484's, Vox and Framus guitars and destroy them all!!!
Oh yeah, and this ain't no bullshit. We really are playing on October 10th, 2008. Once. One fucking show. Uno. Got it? If you ever want to see The Mummies LIVE, this is your one and only chance. Tickets apparently went on sale in June.
Oh yeah, there's one last hitch: the show is in Spain, amigo. So start saving up for that plane fare, and remember, no more than 3 oz of liquid on the plane, so empty out your colostomy bag prior to boarding.
In 1998, Budget Rock headquarters in John Daly City, California tumbled into the God Damn Pacific ocean as a result of the El Niño storms, claiming the lives of two of The Mummies and the entire Pre-B.S. archive of original master tapes. Now, thanks to the miracle of modern technology, the two surviving members of The Mummies have traveled back in time to right this terrible tragedy--they've rescued the master tapes.
For the first time ever: 22 tracks of pure fool's gold, like you've never heard them before... now, with bass! That's right. Apparently, The Mummies did have a bass player, as these master tapes have revealed. Listen and marvel at the Kings of Budget Rock as they define what was to be a world-wide revolution of retardo rock. Slopehead slop like 'Food, Sickles & Girls' and 'I'm Gonna Kill My Baby Tonight' and barnyard classics such as 'Zip A Dee Doo Dah' and 'Stronger Than Dirt.'
Yup, 22 tracks culled from their now ridiculously overpriced, collector's item 45's, including a very special, never before released, hide-the-salami hidden bonus track... The Mummies say "Fuck vinyl, 'cause this CD shit is soundee so good." So what are you waiting for, jackass? It just don't get any easier than this.
OK, we're not going to lie to you. We need the fucking money. After its original release ten years ago, The Mummies have become quite accustomed to a very high standard of living.
The bass player branched out in the mid 1990s, and custom-built eight string basses are an extremely costly passion. Think about it, you've got twice as many strings to buy. "But once you've had eight, you just can't go back to four... it's like having one of your nuts cut off," says he.
The guitarist has a real weakness for cars. We call him "The Cruiser," because he likes fast cars and fast women. And of course, only the best will do. He's recently just finished restoring the actual 1977 Lotus Espirit used in "The Spy Who Loved Me." And yes, it really does turn into a fucking submarine! It was so bad-ass when he drove that shit right out of the ocean at the drummers beach house!
After becoming morbidly obese in the late 1990s, the singer saw repeated trips under the knife. That's right, he's become addicted to plastic surgery. Not only does he have fat regularly sucked out of his ass, but his face has been lifted so many times you can actually see the seams starting to split. It's totally fucking sick.
And the drummer... oh boy. Keno's got him by the balls. He'll fly up to Reno, sit in the coffee shop of the CalNeva casino eating all-you-can-eat ham & eggs for 99¢ while playing keno until he's gone through three months of royalties. What a dummy.
Well, at the last Budgetrock Global Industries board meeting, we learned that net profits for "Never Been Caught" over the last two quarters were exhibiting a downward trend for the first time. The Mummies don't like that. We need to turn the next generation of music lovers out there on to what's known in the industry as "that Mummies gold."
OK, so what the hell is it? Well, what you've got here is a reissue of the one that started it all.
"Never Been Caught" was originally released in 1992. Yeah, it's been 10 years! The CD contains all 17 original tracks as well as the entire "Planet Of The Apes" single, "Your Love" taken from the B-side of the "Stronger Than Dirt" single, and "Uncle Willie" from the Turban Renewal LP, for a total of 22 tracks.
So whaddya say, you stingy son of a bitch? Do your part, so we don't have to go out and get jobs again. It's on sale NOW, you JACKASS.